


Heartbreak

by stonylover134



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - John Wick (Movies) Setting, Assassin Bucky Barnes, BAMF Bucky Barnes, Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes-centric, Death of a pet, F/M, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Kitten, M/M, Sad, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:59:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonylover134/pseuds/stonylover134
Summary: There is nothing in James's life that isn´t planned, every step, every breath, every movement has been precisely thought over. Every decision that he makes is the best outcome in the thousands of options and their respective results that his mind work before taking the next step.Here comes Tony, quite literally, crashing his world.*************Winteriron/John Wick AUSorry guys, the cat dies.





	Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo.... this happened, I was watching the new John Wick movie with my brother and then in came to my mind, John Wick is literally Bucky/Winter Soldier and then after a while of thinking about it I decided to write a fic.
> 
> I love the first movie and this fic is the first movie (which is my favorite) the does such a great job at introducing us to John and making us feel for him.
> 
> sorry, English is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes. And warning the cat dies but obviously is not describe, the world fade away and then the cat is dead, so I hope that doesn't bother anyone.

There is nothing in James's life that isn´t planned, every step, every breath, every movement has been precisely thought over. Every decision that he makes is the best outcome in the thousands of options and their respective results that his mind work before taking the next step. 

From the moment the director found and saved him from dying of starvation as a young child and brought him to America from Romania to be raised and train to be one of his assassins, his whole life has been planned. His brain has been brainwashing to think, to see and predict everything.

All his missions are given to him telling him exactly what to do, what and who to expect, he just follow rules and instructions but he´s capable of adapting and taking the best decision on the spot, there´s a reason he is The Winter Soldier, the legend and pride and joy of The Director, the perfect murder machine, the highest assassin and one of the most valuable assets and important names for The High Table.

Everything in his life is precise, his movement without hesitation and his attacks were always, no exception, perfect.

Here comes Tony, quite literally, crashing his world.

Tony with his unpredictability and his mind that worked a hundred miles per hour but in such different way. Tony with his big and yet so soft and delicate hands that creates were his destroyed everything. Tony with his brightness that warms James’s freezing soul.

All throughout his life, things have been taken away from him and _he_ has taken millions of things from people.

Still, Tony gives him the most wonderful thing, Tony just loves him, he loves James, no The Winter Soldier or the number of successful missions he has, or the millions of dollars that The High Table pays him after every perfect mission.

Tony loves _him_ with his whole heart, with his sweet, bright and beautiful heart. Tony loves him with his sadly, weak heart.

***

Tony is the first thing in his life that he was not expecting; he was following a target who´s running away under the pouring rain from the inevitable, trying to blend in with the darkness of New York at night.

When he´s in Winter Soldier mode he can´t think of anything else that is not finishing the mission, his target runs erratically thinking that he may be able to escape the grip of the assassin that is currently following him, James almost pities him but he´s incapable of such thing.

Being in this “industry” since such a young age kills your emotions. His teachers, trainers, and The Director have killed any emotion from his mind. He’s been killing for so long, probably his brain just blocks everything to keep himself from going insane, he doesn't remember the last time he felt anything for anyone. This allows him to just take a job after job after job without stopping.

Is not that he needs the money, he gets paid a good amount of money after every mission, the thing is that this is the only thing he knows.

His target makes a sudden turn and runs into an alley, James´s face doesn't even twitch and he doesn't follow him, he just keeps his steady pace. He knows these alleys, if the target keeps the same route and pace he has, he knows exactly where he´s going to come out.

This one isn´t smart, he knows the target won't change anything, James knows that the maze of alleys ends a couple of blocks away, poor guy. He jumped from the stove to the fire by entering that maze of alleys.

That´s when it happened.

A short, hooded figure crash directly into his chest, and then there is the first anomaly, because James _slips_ in the wet floor and fell taking the figure with him in his way down.

“Oh shit, ouch,” the person below him says but James still doesn't react, because what the fuck, The Winter Soldier does not _slip_ “I´m so sorry” the sweet voice said and that´s when James finally look at the figure as he gets up.

James finds himself looking at a pair of warm, dazzling, chocolate brown eyes. He helps the man to get on his feet by literally grabbing his arms and bringing him up without any trouble, the man just let out a little “ _oop, thanks”_.

James can´t take away his hands from the upper arms of the short man, he´s wearing a hoodie, which hood has slipped off the man´s head, reveling his beautiful and gentle face. The man is clutching something to his chest, then those brown eyes suddenly snap down at the same time as he raises his hands to his own face and there´s when James see what's in between the man´s hands. 

There in those big hands is a little calico kitten, it´s eyes wide open and when it feels the rush of cold air hits its hairy body and the detachment from the warm chest the kitten only mews loudly.

“Hey little guy, you ok?” the short man says looking at the kitten

The man then speaks to him “I´m so sorry are you, ok? I was looking at my phone this is totally my fault”.

James is just mesmerized by this man, he´s short and small, James is taller by about a head and he´s way bulkier. The man fits perfectly with James´s body, the assassin keeps analyzing him, his skin is a warm cinnamon tan and his face is framed by a thin beard, round big eyes with long thick lashes that any woman would kill for, his nose looks a little red and he´s sniffing, he´s probably sick.

James snaps out of his trance when the man sneezes and the world and the surroundings come back, the heavy rain and cold breeze. James´s can't help himself and just takes the hood and pulls it back over the head of the man.

What is someone like _him_ , someone so pure and _innocent-looking,_ doing in here? These parts of the city are dangerous and it´s late at night.

“What are you doing in here?” James´s heavy and raspy voice seems to come up as a surprise for the other man because he blinks a couple of time before answering.

James´s hands are still on the other one body, but the man doesn't seem to mind.

“Well, I was walking around exploring, I do not from here by the way, and then I found this little guy” he raises the kitten and scratches its little head with his thumb “I can´t take him, I´m super allergic, and I tried using the GPS on my phone to find the closest animal shelter, I can´t just leave him here is pouring rain, he may die, but I think I´m lost now” the man pouts a little as he tried to make sense to the map on his now wet phone. 

“This is no place and time for anybody, is not safe, there are really bad people around here” this is weird, this is the longest he has spoken to anyone willingly in so long. 

“well I think I´m good now, I mean you´re not a bad person, right?” the man smiles at him, wide and bright. Not like any that the people in James´s world does, smiles that are full of sinister intentions and never a real one, and not like those that the cashier gives him when he purchases something, the man really mean it, his smile reaches his eyes.

But then his words hit James, because James is not a _good_ person he kills for money and without hesitation, he´s cruel and his hands are dripping in blood. He then remembers where those dirty hands are and take them away from the other body´s, how dare him to touch such beautiful being with his hideous hands?

“Well ok then, like you say it´s late I should get going, bye kind stranger,” he says the last with a wink and starts walking away. 

James´s notice a card on the floor with a hotel logo on it. He knows what that is, a key to a hotel room, a good person would alarm the obvious owner of the key that he´s leaving behind something important.

“Oh, um excuse me” the man turns and look at him from afar, James´s mind races thinking on what he should do, and after a couple of seconds he steps over the card to hide it from the view.

“Sorry for bother you again but, do you happen to know where the shelter is?” big doe eyes look at him innocently. 

“keep walking for another two blocks and then a left turn, you will see it, is not easy to miss” James´s simply says taking every second to memorize every aspect of the man. 

“awesome, thanks “he receives another breathtaking smile form the man as he waves away. 

James picked up the card, he almost gives in and follows the man, he wants to never part ways from the man, in less than five to ten minutes this man has brightened his cold and dark world.

But he has a mission to finish.

***

He finished the mission as expected, even counting the time he lost (for him those minutes will never be losses) he still finds the target and finishes the mission, he takes the USB form the target. The idiot thought that he could steal information without getting caught.

He disposes of the body and leaves the scene; the memory and presence of the key card never leave his mind and when he´s done he makes his way to the hotel. It´s a normal run of the mill touristic hotel a little expensive (by going by the fact that it uses cards as keys) but neither one of those five-star hotels that are crazy expensive. 

Apparently, he is right on time, as expected, because the man is in the lobby taking away his hoodie that is dripping wet at the same times that he pats his pants looking for his key, thanks to the moments James can have a good look at his body, yeah the man is adorably short and a little muscular but nothing close to James´s own muscular built. The man frowns, only making him look like the kitten that is not anymore with him, at the fact that he has lost his key and mouths the word fuck, but before he starts his walk towards the receptionist James get in his way.

James had everything planned in his head but the moment he touches him he is out of words and when those Bambi eyes focus on his own blue ones the assassin can feel his ears flushing, HA who knew that all it takes to stop the Winter Soldier where a pair of pretty eyes.

James just holds the card high enough for the shorter man to see it.

“Oh my god, you are literally my savior, I didn´t want to do the walk of shame and ask for an extra key” his face brightens as he takes the card from James “thank you so much” again that magnificent smile takes over his face, face whose nose isn´t red anymore at the lack of furry creature in the proximity.

James can only nod at him without words a little smile appears on the Winter Soldier´s face. 

“well thanks again form the thousand time, really this world needs more people like you” taking again the reins of the conversation the man takes a couple of steps towards James and does something that his mind could never ever have thought about that outcome.

The man put his hands on James´s shoulders and raise on his toes to be at his same height and he _actually kisses him_ on the cheek (suspiciously close to his mouth making them almost touch).

With that, he giggles at the taller man expression of shock and at how his faces turn way redder, the man the starts to walk away and again waves at him but then he does something unexpected again, he stops and comes back to James.

“Hey I´m here for another three weeks and as you may already understood, I´m a walking mess and also I don´t know anybody here and you seem to be a good guy and someone who really knows his way around here so I was wondering, if you were free you may want to be my tourist guide?” the man is looking at his feet that are moving nervously and his hands are fidgeting, that's how Tony is, one moment he´s the confident snarky and flirty guy that kisses (on the cheek) the man that gave him directions and now is a little ball of nervousness, so unpredictable.

“I mean you don´t have to agree now that I think about that question was super random and weird, you don´t know me why should you trust me I should just amm please forget everything I just say anything sometimes I just talk without thinking it through, gosh and now I´m rambling I´m so sor... ”

“Sure” the man looks at him, surprised at his answer “I will be here tomorrow at 11 am it´s ok?” James offers him his best smile but because lack of practice is not as big or bright. 

“really? yeah 11 it´s fine, 11 is perfect thank you, see you tomorrow then emmm..” the man moves his hands in the generic way that means to finish the sentence.

A thousand names come to James, nobody really goes for his real name when they are hiring him, The High Table usually goes for Winter Soldier which is the name that rings bells in this industry, and during missions (which now that he thinks about it is most of his time) he picks a different name every time. 

“James, I´m James Buchanan Barnes” he picks his American name that for him is his real name “and you are?” James asks as he offers his hand.

“I´m Tony Stark” and the man, _Tony,_ takes his hand and James´s world seems to stop when their skin makes direct contact with each other. “See you tomorrow then James”

***

He learns that the reason why Tony is in New York is by accident, but James likes that story because it perfectly describes Tony. 

Tony was supposed to go to Florida just for a quick vacation but when he was already at the airport his flight got canceled and his whole schedule was ruined, but where someone like James would be making everything in his power to make it to his intended destination Tony just roll with it, and with his great abilities of negotiation (Tony´s words not his) he got that his roundtrip tickets were changed, free of charge, by the airline to the next flight not caring where it was going, and after canceling all his bookings (he always booked everything in business travel because that way he could cancel without charges or without the company keeping his money, apparently this kind of stuff happens to him all the time to him and Tony learn to work with what he has) he was landing in New York City and after booking in the best hotel that allowed same day booking and he was good to go, sadly he didn´t know what or where to go.

Tony is spontaneous and can make a lot with very little, Tony didn´t really plan anything, he just flows like a river, always going forward and not stopping, he does what he wanted he has free will in contrast to James that until the moment he met Tony hadn´t understood how little freedom he actually had.

This was just the beginning of the new life of James Buchanan Barnes because Tony show him what he was missing, he hadn´t been living. He breathes and eats and keeps himself from dying, his whole life James thought that he was living but that was just not dying. 

Tony shows him everything, he shows him to relax and just do whatever he wanted on the spot, Tony shows him to enjoy simple and small things like sunsets, walking barefoot on the beach and playing in the water as he has only seen children do, shows him the view ,that is actually quite nice, from his apartment that he has never bothered to look at, Tony shows him the amazing feeling of cuddling with someone, he shows him those stupid , yet delicious, things that are the _Bits_ that are just the center of the donuts that are great.

Tony shows him pure, bare, and this magnificent thing that is _Love_ , a feeling that is so strong towards another person that makes you want to keep them safe above everything else.

He loves spending time with him, he loves just holding Tony´s hand at any occasion that he wants, he loves kissing any part of him, his knuckles or his nose or his cheeks or his forehead or his lips, he loves saying “ _I love you”_ ´s to Tony, he loves to pour his whole body and soul to show just how much he loved Tony while they make love. Because this is making love.

Before Tony, fucking was just another tactic to get from point A to point B a thing to ease the way of missions or to get close to his target, but now is so much more.

His life as the Winter Soldiers have been kill or be killed and never bother to think about another person besides your own wellbeing. But this love he has for Tony is almost painful, unlike anything he had ever felt, he can endure any kind of torture, he was trained since childhood to _take_ everything that that the worlds throw his way, but the bare thought of anything besides himself touching Tony made his skin crawl with disgust, because Tony is his world.

He didn´t question when James suddenly appear with a couple of bags and looking like a kicked puppy at the door of his apartment in Malibu, Tony just gave him one of his huge smiles and pull him into a kiss and then let him in. Tony never questioned why he disappeared on days on end and then comes back with a limp and newer and more scars.

James has never felt self-conscious of his body, he knew he has good physic but his body is cover in ugly scars, there´s no inch of his body that doesn´t have one, and he never minded his back before, his back that has not only scars but also a huge and horrible looking tattoo that covers the whole space that reminds him where he comes from.

Now living with Tony he finds himself never taking his shirt off until is absolutely necessary in fear that the moment Tony sees his tattoos, he suddenly decided that he hated him and leave him, he can´t bear to think of a life without Tony, now that he has tasted the forbidden fruit he can´t live without it.

But when Tony started to catch on that he proceeded to just whispered sweet nothing on his ear and spend the rest of the night kissing every scar and caressing his tattoos with those soft hands.

Spending time away from Tony makes him miserable and he can´t bear it, not only that his mind grows paranoid, he´s terrified that one day he will come back and only find a cold body, those thoughts keep him awake at night, in those moments he can only hold Tony´s waist tighter and closer to his chest, placing a hand on the smaller man body to reassure him that he´s still breathing and alive.

He knows of assassins that have families, is not at all common but not unheard of but he has seen the outcome, always the same outcome and before Tony, he never understood why someone would even bother to try.

There were two options either they kept their job as a secret or the family knew, either way, there was always the same outcome, an enemy of the assassin will find out about them and killed the family, that always happened no matter how good or old the assassins were. That never failed to drove the assassin mad.

There was no way of having both, it was either the life and everything they have ever known or a chance of normalcy and having a family.

For James was not a difficult decision. 

Exposing Tony to this life was unjust, Tony didn´t deserve to live in fear, Tony didn´t deserve to live in hiding and watch his every step, Tony didn´t deserve to be pushed into this wicked world that, he knows, will slowly extinguish his light. 

Tony didn´t deserve _him,_ Tony deserved the best man on earth, someone that can offer him everything he needs.

“I don´t care what you think” Tony tells him as they dance to a slow song, their bodies entangle with each other, moments ago James´s chin was resting on the short brunet´s head but now Tony separate his face just enough to be able to look at him, brown eyes finding his blue ones “I just know that you are all I need”. 

James pulls him back and rests his forehead on Tony´s both closing their eyes, they just needed each other.

James is a not a good person, he kills and torture for a living, he is a bad person because instead of letting Tony go he decides to be selfish, Tony didn´t deserve to be trapped with such a horrible and disgusting excuse of a human being, and James knows that, but he made a decision, he made something unexpected.

***

“I want out” James looks at The Director, that before that have not bothered to raise his eyes from the book he was reading but now is looking at him with an amused look on his face.

“How adorable Sebastian, where did you pick up such an idea?” The Director had the habit of calling all his _´children´_ by the name they had originally, his heavy Russian accent was always present even after decades of living in an English-speaking country.

At the lack of an answer, The Director spoke again “Sebastian, for The High Table there is no out, no one has ever gone out willingly”.

The Director was a big man even for James, who had to stand a little more straight to not look too short, but still, he had to raise his head a little to look at the eyes of The Director when the man stands up and walks towards him.

“Are you going to turn your back to The High Table? to me?” The Director starts cracking his ring covered fingers, an action that never fails to unsettle any of the soldiers, including James. “After all I have done for you, saved your life, feed you, shelter you, made you part of our family and give you a purpose in life, a purpose that you´re quite good at my dear Sebastian, the best of all my children if you ask me” the humongous man pats James´s cheek with fondness 

“Are you willing to give up your name, who you are, for what? a piece of ass?” at the slight movement of James´s fist The Director walked away and back to his sofa “did you think that we didn´t know about your little bed warmer? we are part of The High Table, there are no secrets here”

“I have done nothing more than serve you, honor you and respect you, I never made a mistake, I have not failed any mission, almost all organizations owe me the place and power they have now and I have never asked anything in return until now, and all I ask is to be erase and left alone for the rest of my life I will not bring trouble to your name” James kneel to him and bow his head in sign of respect. 

“I can do nothing, I´m just a fingernail in this hand that The High Table is. If you want, go and explain your point the head of The High Table, is worth the try, isn´t it?” The Director just picked up his book again and started reading “goodbye Sebastian, you have my blessing”

***

But finding the head would be impossible, he opens his locket that he always carries with him, inside of it is a picture of Tony smiling at the camera.

Tony had told him he was a “ _stupid dork”_ when James has showed it to him, his face flushes red and proceed to kiss James who just wrap his strong arms around the shorter man´s waist and they just stood there holding each other like the rest of the world didn´t exist

He caresses the picture and takes a deep breath he has made a decision and he is following through.

With the help of a fellow assassin of the name of Natasha, a redhead whose beauty compete with how deadly she is. 

She is one of the only persons that he trusts and would give his back without the fear of her stabbing him in the back, and she trusts him just as much, she trusts him with her life, knows that because she already has.

Natasha offers to help him without asking anything in return and she is the one that came out to him to help him because a couple of years ago she was in his position. 

A husband and a daughter whom she loved with all her soul, the man was a professor and scientist (she has never told him how they met) and their young daughter is the perfect combination of both, long, curly brown hair with piercing green eyes.

But as expected her fantasy was destroyed by her enemies, people hungry for revenge and attacked her family. Luckily, she was with them when all came down and she saved them both, but she couldn't afford this to happen again, she saved her family this time but who knows about the second time.

She knocked at James´s door asking for a favor, she even swears with blood that she owes him for life. With a fast-goodbye James separate the family and takes the man and the little girl to a safe place, far away from Natasha.

It took them a couple of days to arrive, he takes them somewhere not even the redhead knows, something that she specifically asked for because she knew that if she knows where they are she will fall into the temptation of seeing them again.

She changed since that day, he has never seen any other assassin cry for anything outside torture in his life but the way she cried then was a heartbreaking sight (well, the pre-Tony James of that time just manage to pity her), something in her eyes died that night and James never understood why she would do something that stupid, for starters why would she let herself be vulnerable like that?

For the James of that time love was just stupid and impossible for people like them, and in her case, why would she have then taken away willingly if she loved them so much as she claimed? 

Now, look at him, facing the head of The High Table following that stupid feeling. He explains himself to the man in front of him, tells him the same thing he told The Director, but the man just seems amused, he finds hilarious the idea of an assassin of The High Table asks for such a thing.

The man gives in just for the fact that he brought him a good laugh and that is true, James has served The High Table with dignity, his name has come up in more than one occasion speaking only good things.

The leader gives him the opportunity of a way out without being bothered ever again, his name will be erased from the list of assets up to hire and any information of him will be forever forgotten, _but_ he gives him a list and a date, the list of names is all of those who have wrong The High Table, politician, billionaires, leaders of other criminal groups, important people, a suicide mission, an impossible list designed to not be do-able, just like Hades when he let Orpheus and Euridice go but giving them one rule that he knew they couldn't keep a false feeling of hope only to be ripped away from them and separating them forever. 

Too bad for him that The Winter Soldier is not doing what is expected of him anymore.

He does it, he kills every single target on the list. Every time he was against a corner and thought that that was the end of him he thought of Tony.

Sweet and kind Tony, someone so pure and selfless that is willing to walk under the pouring rain for hours on a city he doesn't know just to save a little life. Tony who loves him just as much as James loves him, Tony who is waiting for him and James can´t even think of leaving Tony waiting and heartbroken.

If before only a few criminal groups that work under The High Table owe him their hierarchy and place they were on, _now,_ now every single leader owes him something and they know it, suddenly in his bank account appeared thousands if not millions of dollars in way of thanks.

But he doesn't care, he goes directly to Tony´s apartment (their home) and is ready to catch him the moment Tony throws himself at him when he hears him walk through the door.

Tears pour out of Tony´s eyes when James whispers to his ear that is over, of course, Tony, has no idea what he means but he understands that is important by how hard James holds him.

“I´m home now, I´m here for good” and that night they made love over a thousand times until the next day. Later that afternoon he finds Tony eating chocolates and blueberries (his favorites) from a gift basket. 

“It was just delivered, it´s for you” the small man says without looking at him, to entrained exploring the basket “it came with a note too” Tony hand him the piece of paper that James accept at the same time that he kisses Tony´s head.

“ _Congratulation James Barnes, you never fail to surprise me. Now I´m happy to say: let never see each other again”_ knowing where the basket comes from he wanted to throw it away, but seeing how happy Tony was, he just smiles, burn the card and let it slide.

The brown eye man always enjoys little and simple things, he was happy with so little even when he deserves everything.

With the money from all his years of killing he bought a beautiful and big house in California, just like Tony would like it, before moving in he buries everything of his past in under the floor of the garage, all his fake passports, and papers, his gold coins, and all his guns.

Without hesitation, he covers his old life with the foundation of his new one.

He surprises Tony with the house, love, and happiness showing on his beautiful face but then that happiness is nothing compare when he sees James going on one knee asking him to marry him.

Tony cry and say the loudest yes, their wedding was small, all the guests are from Tony´s side, of course, but there is just one person calls to be his best man, Steve. His best friend, that little boy that appeared in The School a couple of years after him, they always had each other back, of course, they know they must keep their distance for obvious reasons, but their friendship has never stopped. 

Tony´s friend Pepper organize everything and turns out great, they get married in New York because Tony is that kind of person who cherishes memories like those.

During the wedding, he gets glimpses of a redhead, one second, he gets to lock eyes with her, she just raises her glass of champagne congratulating him, the next time he turns to that spot she was gone.

***

The worst part was that in a way, they should have seen it coming.

He learns about Tony´s weak heart the first night they spend together, that morning when Tony got up just to take some pill from his nightstand. 

“Don´t worry is nothing bad, everything is under control” Tony tells him when he sees him staring in confusion.

Since he was a child Tony takes insane amounts of pills to keep his heart from suddenly stopping.

***

They live happily for five amazing and fulfilling years, just the two of them without people bother them. Tony takes a job as a mechanic, not that they needed the money, they have enough to spare thanks to James. But Tony´s mind worked too fast, he needed somewhere he could distract himself and he loved motors and cars, every car that passed through his hands came out better, he was a genius after all. James was content with staying at home and taking care of the house and doing day to day things.

He cleans, he cooks, goes to the bank, etc. Now the most exciting thing that happens in his life is the sale season of the supermarket.

And he _loves it_. 

Their lives are great, they work like clockwork and every day they are more in love.

That day started like any other day, James wakes up early as always, he made sure that Tony had his meds and a glass of water close to him so he didn´t have to get up and then leave to prepare coffee and breakfast.

Tony leaves for his job and James goes about his day, he goes to the gas station, his car was running low. He comes home but doesn´t cook like always, he decided he wanted to take Tony out for dinner, and when he comes home later that day Tony changes quickly and follows James to the garage, they get to the restaurant and after dinner they decided to have a walk around the seaside and watch the sunset.

During dinner Tony had patted his chest a couple of time in discomfort, James immediately asks him if he´s ok every time it happened but Tony only shake him off saying that it was nothing, but it wasn´t nothing.

They were walking, Tony´s hand on James´s back pocket of his jeans and James´s strong-arm going around his shoulder, his nose on top of Tony´s head.

And then it happens.

Tony just stopped, started coughing a little, his hands going to his chest before his whole body gives up and he fell to the ground, James is right there to catch him.

“Tony! What´s wrong?” James panicked as he sees how Tony´s eyes go wide open in fear “Someone, call an ambulance!” he shouts at the bystanders who take their phones and start dialing 911.

“Come on Tony, just hold on everything will be alright “James tries to calm Tony down, but he can´t stop the fear of appearing in his voice and, how could he? Suddenly his world was falling apart in his arms, this man was his life and the thing he loved more than anything in his life.

The paramedics take them to the ER and Tony is separated from him as they take him away to trait him.

And just like that Tony was just _gone_.

He died of a massive heart attack.

He never wanted to go through any of that operation because he never felt it necessary he had never had a heart attack until now, they thought the meds were enough 

He kisses Tony´s forehead one last time, holding his still and cold hand while he weeps. 

During the funeral, he just looks at the distance numbly. He looks around, familiar faces like Pepper and Rhodey are there, crying their eyes out. He can´t help but notice how, five years ago, all the people here are the same as in their wedding, back then they were laughing and dancing at their wedding and now they look at the ground with tears running down their faces.

“Tony was my husband, not only that, he was the love of my life, he was my light I can´t imagine my life without him but I know that if he was here he would smack me on my arm and told me to get up and do something with my day we never know what awaits for us…” James breaks down crying and goes back to his seat, the ceremony continues, and the coffin is lower into the ground, he throws a couple of handful of dirt at the hole, his last goodbye to his life.

While people leave and all he has left is look at the tombstone.

_Anthony Edward Barnes - beloved husband and friend, the world is darker without you in it._

Tony loved having the name Barnes as a last name, at any opportunity he had he point it out or write his full name but with Barnes instead of Stark.

James wonders how he could have thought that he was worthy of a life with Tony, maybe this is that famous karma everybody talks about, maybe this is the way the universe ask for payment for all the suffering he has caused, all those fathers, mothers, husbands, sons, daughter, wives, brother and sisters he has taken away too soon from their love ones.

The universe had given him a taste of how great and magnificent life can be only to rip it off him, and it was Tony the one who has paid for it with his life

He always thought that if Tony´s life was ripped away from him it would be because of his past life coming to bite him back, but _this_ was different.

Tony´s death was no one fault, he has no one to blame, just life itself, maybe he was never meant to be happy.

Tony never learned about James´s past and never asked, he just understood that it was something he was not supposed to get involved with, he knew it was dangerous by the way that unctuously James always check every exit and seems to figure a plan of escape in his mind whenever they enter any kind of room or place.

He leaves one last lily on the tomb and made his way to his now huge and empty house.

The next morning, he wakes up early like always and makes coffee, he made way too much for one person, he signs as he throws away the rest, in every corner of the house are still Tony´s things, his toothbrush, his coffee cup, his shoes, and his slippers.

He opens his fridge to see all the food that was Tony´s, he remembers how he always loved sweet food even thou the doctors have told him he should cut sugar from his diet to keep his heart as healthy as possible, “ _but James, love of my life, the apple of my eye, then where is the point in living?”_ that day James had only laugh at Tony´s antics and gave back his donut.

The knock at the door pulls him out of his thoughts, when he opens it is a delivery service who just gives him a pen and paper to sign while the lady goes to the back of the truck to bring a pet crate.

“Here Mr. Barnes” she handles it to him and James is about to step back to get inside his house again “um Mr. my pen” 

“yeah, right sorry”

James opens the envelope that is stick to the crate and reads it, is a letter from Tony.

“ _James, I´m so sorry you have to read this, I wish you never have to but if you are, please don´t think that your life is over when I´m gone, I know that you may feel like giving up but please just get up and keep going because you´re strong and you are a Fenix, you raise from the worst and will shine as bright as you did when I was by your side. You still have a life ahead of you, please, live it. I know you hide things from me, that´s ok, I know that something on your past bothers you and keeps you awake at night, please let it go._

_I hope is enough for you to know that while I was alive you made me the happiest must luckiest man on earth and I wouldn´t trade our time together for anything. I know you will need along the way, someone to guide you through this, I know that you need someone to love._

_ha-ha now you have someone to look after, now you can't just go crazy._

_forever yours, Tony”_

Tears escape his eyes again, Tony knew he will not be able to go on with his life without him so even now, after death, Tony still grounds him

He kisses the letter and doing so he catches Tony´s scent, faint but there. 

Is then when a purring and a mew came from the pet crate and distracts him. A little black kitten stares back at him with huge green eyes.

Tony always wanted a cat, he loved them, but he couldn't because he was allergic to them but whenever he had the chance he petted one and after that, he was happy the rest of the day.

He let the tiny one out of the crate, the little furball was the size of his hands, he put him down and the kitten only circle his feet, his tail like a little antenna.

James goes about his day but now with the little thing following him and climbing his leg begging for attention.

Next morning, he wakes up with something furry on his face. When he gets and put on his slipper he felt something wet and a little thick, he looks at his foot to see a brown spot that smells awful.

“You little...” He turns to the kitten who only return him the stare and starts purring and headbutted his leg and curl the rest of his body around his ankle. James cleans his foot and throws away the slippers.

He goes to the kitchen and again makes too much coffee, he drinks his while he serves milk on a, way too big plate, for the kitten who drinks the milk eagerly, his whole face now white from the liquid.

“oh, come on” he picks it up and washes his tiny face with some warm water. The kitten doesn't like it at all and scratches his hands “ow ow ok I don't care, do whatever you want” the little furball just licks its paw and clean its own face by itself. 

While he eats his breakfast, he sees how the tiny creature goes crazy, running and jumping around, “attacking” anything on the floor. He smiles at how sometimes, because its claws, the kitten slide on the floor and went far away from where it intended to go.

He needs to go to the pet store to get proper food and stuff for the little thing, he takes his classic Mustang, it needed gas and it gives him a feeling of normalcy.

James takes the little furball with him, he just can´t leave it behind.

After going to the pet store, he goes to an abandoned airfield to let his steam free, the guard doesn't give him a second glance when he opens the door for him. He keeps sharp his driving abilities and it shows in how he dodges and turn easily, the motor of the car roaring.

When he stopped at the gas station he fills up the thank and pays for it. He hears tires against the pavement, loud rap music and the voice of the four young men that are inside a car that just pull over.

When James walk towards his car he notices one of the young men looking around the car. The young man touches the hood and its sides, amazed by the design and how well kept it was.

“Nice ride, man” 

“Thanks” James doesn´t bother to fully acknowledge the young man and get inside the car, scratching the head of the kitten who was sleeping in the seat next to his, his new light blue collar making a contrast with its dark fur.

He knows the young man, Iosef Tarasov, Viggo Tarasov boy.

James remembers that man, he did a couple of jobs for him and was one of those who were benefited when James retired.

“Hey, little guy” Iosef shoved his head through the open window of the car, his arms at the base of said window.

He pets the kitten roughly waking it up, he places his hand on the tiny back of the animal and pulls its skin and fur and letting go just to do it again, this man´s idea of petting a cat is really messed up, James thought.

“oh I love cute animals like you” 

James only stares at Iosef´s hand and moves to turn on the car. 

“how much?” 

James raises his right eyebrow in disbelief.

“come on, man. How much for the car?"

“It ain´t for sale” at that Iosef scoffed 

“ **Everything got a price, bitch,”** the Iosef says in Russian. 

“ **Not this, bitch”** James answers him in perfect Russian, the young man face shows his shock, taken aback by James´s fluency. The ex-assassin just turns on the car and let the sound of the motor muted Iosef anger sound. One of his friends holds Iosef to keeping him from throwing a punch.

“ **who does this guy think he is? no one talks to me like that** ” Iosef shouts at his friend as James drives off, not believing the youth of nowadays.

That night James tried to put together the cat tower he bought, the little one just enjoying its life, playing with the box, the constant sound of the bell of its collar echoing in the room.

At his annoyance James curse under his breath, he can almost hear Tony laughing at him at not being able to put this stupid shit together. 

When he finishes he cracked his back, god, he´s getting old.

He changes and goes to lay down on his, now too big, bed. He feels the cover being pull and little mews, he looks over and sees the tiny black kitten hanging with his claws from his sheets.

James laughs at the sight and sits to pull the kitten up and at the edge of the bed at his feet and lay down again to try to sleep.

The kitten mews and walks until it's at the crook of James´s neck where he curls up to sleep “ok, do whatever you want” 

James can´t fall asleep, tonight is a bad night filled with nightmares from his past and now without Tony to hold and cuddle him is impossible to find peace and sleep.

The kitten seems to get his trouble and starts licking his chin with its little pink tongue, James only pulls his hand to cover the kitten´s whole body and brush his thumb in soft fur. 

“thank you, buddy” and with the sound of purring James finally falls asleep.

He wakes up a couple of hours later at the hissing of the kitten, he notices that it's looking at the door, little ears raise tall hearing something. “What wanna go downstairs? maybe you need your litter box” James says to himself before getting up and open the door, the kitten rushes out with another hiss, James follows him downstairs. 

He tries to locate the kitten but thanks to its black fur he can´t, he gives a couple of steps towards his living room and that´s when he sees the two masked figures in front of him before he can do anything he feels how a metal bat hits his head and he drops to the floor with a hard thud. 

The figures approach him, and the three men start kicking and, in the case of the one with the bat, beating him. His mind is in shock and all he can hear is a continuously zing. 

“Where are the keys?” one of them says looking down at him, meanwhile the other two start trashing his home, breaking pictures frames, vases and various decorative thing around the house. 

From his place on the floor, James can see the kitten curl up onto himself and looking at him in fear, shaking a little. The hair of its back standing up.

One of the men kneels and takes James´s bloody head by his hair “ **you know** ” says the voice in Russian as the man takes off mask reveling Iosef. “ **I´m glad you didn´t sell, I´m enjoying this way too much** ” and with a final punch to James´s face, he gets up and walk away.

The last thing James sees before his mind goes black is the kitten running away from the couch, being followed by one of the men, and then, nothing.

The next day he wakes up, close to his face was the curled-up figure of the kitten, when James touches him the body is cold and stiff. He pulls himself to a sitting position, bringing the tiny body close to his chest, the bell tinkling.

James sees the trail of blood, the poor little thing looking for comfort and safety on his last moments. 

For a couple of hours, he cries, holding the still form of the kitten, rocking back and forth while brushing his thumb over the head of the kitten.

“I´m sorry, I´m so sorry”

He digs a tomb on his garden, places the box that holds the kitten body, he lowers the box and places it at the bottom of the hole, James breaths a couple of times, let everything set in on his mind, and then he covers the box saying the last goodbye.

He cleans the blood off his floor, his movements were strong, his body numb. In between strokes of his brush, the memories of last night flash in front of his dead eyes. Anger fills his body, his knuckles going white by how hard he holds the now bloody brush. When he finished he goes to the garage and as he expected, the mustang is missing.

***

Iosef drives clumsy the mustang, he can´t really control it but his rap music makes the stereo shake. He enters a workshop filled with cars and people working on them.

Clint looks up and sings in annoyance when he hears that stupid music. 

“Oh I love this one” Iosef slams the door as he gets out of the car “Yo´ Clint, I want new numbers and clean papers”

When Clint looks up he just rolls his eyes and walked towards the car but the moment he realizes who is the owner of that car is he steps away from it as if it burned. 

“Where the hell did you get that car?” 

The boy and his friends look at each other and laugh.

“I asked you a question, where did you get that car?”

Iosef look at him “Who gives a fuck, just do what I tell you”

Clint shook his head, like hell he´s touching that car. “forget it, just get out of here, get out of my shop”

“um, excuse me?” Iosef says with indignation in his voice “do I have to remind that we own

you, Clint?” 

“The fuck did you just say to me?” Clint turn and walk towards Iosef “you don´t own me, boy, I work for your father” 

“and the owner of that car, did you kill him?” Clint asks, concern on his voice, they were all screw.

Iosef laughs “No, but we did fuck up his cat” 

Clint just stares at him but then he starts laughing “oh you fuck up his cat, hahaha yeah how amazing” after saying that he punches the punk square in the face. 

One of Iosef friends pulls out a gun and put in front of Clint´s face.

“Oh look at the big boy, come on shoot me or get out of my shop” 

the only one that seems to be the voice of reason in the group of friends talked the other one down. 

“Viggo is not going to like this, you know?

“get the fuck out of here”

***

that afternoon James enters the shop, while he walks everybody to look at him but can't hold their stare for too long, afraid that they may anger him. He finds Clint sit beside his Mustang, two glasses and a bottle scotch. James sits on the stool beside him and looks at his car. Clint pours him some o scotch and then pours a some more to himself, his hands shaking just a little bit. 

“Viggo´s son,” James says

“yep, Iosef” 

“Is he here?” 

“was, he already left” to that answer James hums.

“what are you gonna do?” Clint can´t really hold eye contact, he distracts himself by pouring more alcohol to his own glass.

James drinks all the glass in on go “I need a ride” and of course Clint has his shop open for him. 

***

Clint can´t seem to catch a break, that night he receives a phone call “Clint here” 

“Barton,” the Russian accent told who was at the other side of the line “I hear you stroke my son” 

“Um well, yes” 

“can I ask why?” 

“well, sir he stole The Winter Soldier´s car, and also kill his cat” Clint look at his nails as he speaks knowing full well the reaction that Viggo has.

On his side, Viggo just stares blankly at the view of the city an “oh” leaving his mouth, after that he hung and cursed. 

Viggo´s right-hand man approaches him when he sees him “Viggo, guess what, they agree to your conditions. I mean they didn´t have much of a choice did the?” the man laughs expecting a joyful reaction but all in Viggo´s face was concern.

“Viggo?” 

“where´s my son?”

Iosef enters his father office with pride and a cocky smile on his face. 

“How was your trip, kid?

“Great, we won´t be having problems from them” Iosef answer, standing a little taller, his smile never leaving his face.

Viggo approaches him, a glass of vodka on each hand, he doesn't stop when he´s in front of his son making the younger step back. Viggo only looks at his face and then hand him one of the glasses, Iosef drinks the liquid, after that the father punches the son in the stomach making the alcohol go back and burn his throat.

Viggo just throw a towel at him “ **clean your mess** ”

With shaking hands Iosef cleans the content that was on his stomach. “What did I do?”

“ **You fucked up** ” Viggo answers with pure anger.

“I did exactly as you asked, no one saw shit” 

“I´m talking about that” 

“What is this about what happened at Clint´s? I just stole a fucking car, no big deal”

Viggo punches him again, and again Iosef goes to the ground and turns to look at his father with fear.

“is not what you did son, is who you did it too” 

“who? that… that fucking nobody?”

“that fucking nobody as you call him is James Barnes,” Viggo says as he pours himself from a different bottle. “he once was an associate to ours, we call him Winter Soldier.” he drank his drink and walks to his son.

“that´s impossible he´s dead” Viggo rolls his eyes at the stupidity his son just said, is this really what the next generation thinks? where was the respect for this business?

“He´s not dead, he was the best asset of The High Table, their golden boy, he had never failed a mission, you give him a name, request a method, and he'd get it done. Come hell or high water, by God he'd get it done.”

“I once saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil” Iosef could smell the alcohol in his father breath when he speaks, the old man continuous “a fucking pencil” 

“and one day he asked to leave, all over a man, of course, he claims he had found love. But as you know son, you don´t just _retire_ from this” Viggo just pours himself more vodka and drinks more. “he found and faced the fucking head of The High Table, they give him an impossible task, a mission no man should be able to pull off. The bodies he burns that day lay the foundation of what we are now. And then my son, days after his husband died steals his car and kills his fucking cat”

“I can make this right, father,” Iosef said desperately 

“have you been listening to me?”

“ **But father, I can** ”

Viggo hugs his son, the last time he will be allowed to hold him, he then held his son´s face with one hand “ **The Soldier will come for you, and you will do nothing because you can do nothing** , now get the hell away from my sight” 

***

James goes to his garage, he wields a sledgehammer which he starts swinging over and over again, cracking the concrete floor.

With every swing and clank memories of Tony come to his head, his smile, his eyes, his laugh, him lying in bed in the morning, they walking side by side, how soft his skin was and the way he held James´s head when he couldn't sleep because of his nightmares. 

He raises the hammer one last time and swings it down as he shouts with all his force, rage and sadness scaping through his voice. He shoves away the remaining of the concrete, the rocks cutting his hands, but he can´t feel anything anymore. 

He has broken his promise, he broke the part of his vows that went untold, “ _is done, I´m done, I´m never going back_ ”. And now he is looking at his guns and coins, his past life.

He takes the box from the hole of broken foundation but before he could do anything else his phone rings.

He picks up.

“Hello, James” there is still no answer from James´s side.

“I heard about your husband, I´m sorry, my condolences” Viggo is begging for forgiveness as these dirty rats always do.

“seem to be faith, or is haphazard “Viggo grows desperate “or maybe just fucking luck that crosses our paths once again” 

“James?” by the breathing that he can hear he knows that Barnes is listening “let's not resort to our basic instincts and handle this like the civilized men that we are…” James hangs up the phone and walks away to get ready.

In his side Viggo turns to his right-hand man “prepare your crew”

“how many?” 

“how many do you have?”

James takes a long and hot shower, let his body relax before it tenses completely and steps out of the shower. He dresses in his suit, it still fits perfectly. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, he´s not the man he was a week ago but either the man he was 8 years ago, his face is stuck on a frown, his blue eyes are death and numb, a freezing snowstorm that only shows the suffering his heart has gone through.

He takes his locket that holds Tony´s picture and looks at his beautiful face, he kisses the picture and put it back on his pocket. He places his hand over the kitten´s clue collar and then he picks up his gun and goes downstairs to wait for his unwelcome guests.

***

20 minutes later the police knock at his door, James open it he now looks a little rough up, his long hair a little out of place and his clothes had a couple of wet spots.

“Evenin', James” the officer says to him 

“Evenin', Jimmy. Noise complain?” James answers.

the officer, Jimmy, just nod and hums, getting the idea “noise complain” the man peeks past James' shoulder inside the house, on the floor a body of the dead gunman.

“You workin' again?” 

“no just sorting some stuff out” 

“oh well, I let you be then. Goodnight James” the officer walks away to his car.

“night´ Jimmy” 

He calls Thor and his crew to clean all this mess up, he prepares the payment, about ten coins will be enough. When they arrive, he let them in and let them be.

“Thought you were gone for good, my friend” and Thor patted his shoulder as he passed beside him. “Sorry about Tony”

After that, he prepares a suitcase and leaves for the city. Closing and locking the door of his house as he walks away, now he has all the time in the world and he´s planning on making pay every single one of the men that dare to bother him while he was grieving.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you think?
> 
> Please tell me whatever you think in the comments. 
> 
> I really hope you like it :)


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